Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
