Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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