What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
