worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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