ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
