: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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