so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
