the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
