I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
