a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
