what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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