i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
