I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
