Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
