i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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