apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
