i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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