I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
