So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
