I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
