walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I forgot how hot balto sounded
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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