I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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