If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
someone owes me an orgasm
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
