It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
