the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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