mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
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