allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My butt remains clenched, sir.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
