Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
