the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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