neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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