So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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