Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
