god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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