matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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