He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She told me I should be a condom model.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
