her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
