I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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