Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
