Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
