went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
