dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
