Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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