i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
