But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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