I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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