My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
it's not cheating when I paid for it
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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