Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
