if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
