I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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