i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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