True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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