she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
