He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
