he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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