Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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