I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
