If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
