I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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