Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
