Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
